It was a pleasant February Saturday evening in Portland - unusually warm, with a little sprinkle here and there - as I headed into the Entertainment District. At 7:30 the club scene around Old Town/China Town hadn’t even begun to warm up, but that wasn’t why I was here.
This night was to be my first experience with Speed Dating.
As we entered the club our host, Kyle, greeted each guest and gave them a DateSwitch.com Date Card and a name tag. Then we waited. While the women clustered in nervous groups, chatting and casting clandestine glances around the bar, the men stood awkwardly around the room - solitary and silent pillars of awkward nervousness.
I fit right in.
This night was to be my first experience with Speed Dating.
As we entered the club our host, Kyle, greeted each guest and gave them a DateSwitch.com Date Card and a name tag. Then we waited. While the women clustered in nervous groups, chatting and casting clandestine glances around the bar, the men stood awkwardly around the room - solitary and silent pillars of awkward nervousness.
I fit right in.
Seven-thirty came, and Kyle gathered us around in a huddle to explain how the evening would work, and to give us a few tips. “I really hope,” he said, “that no one came here tonight expecting to find their future mate. That’s really not the point of this evening. Just concentrate on having fun!”
With that we moved into our starting positions. We would have five minutes with each “date”, at which time Kyle would ring a bell. At the sound of the bell we would take a few minutes to make notes on our Date Card before moving on to the next woman in sequence.
With that we moved into our starting positions. We would have five minutes with each “date”, at which time Kyle would ring a bell. At the sound of the bell we would take a few minutes to make notes on our Date Card before moving on to the next woman in sequence.
In sound design, you learn that every sound has what is called an envelope. This envelope is made up of three parts: Attack, Sustain, and Decay. The Attack is the front edge of the sound - a consonant, the scrape of a bow on a string. The Decay describes how the sound ends - a lingering fade or an abrupt vanish. What lies between is the Sustain. Like the yellow length of a pencil between the eraser and the point, the sustain defines the body of the sound.
What I came to realize during this evening’s exercise is that conversation has an envelope as well. And while I’m actually pretty good at the Sustain, it’s the Attack and the Decay that throw me. Approaching a stranger and creating a rapport out of thin air - that’s the Attack. Deftly and politely ending a conversation is the Decay. Here was an opportunity to have a series of initial conversations using only the part for which I have the most skill. The awkward approach of the Attack and the uncomfortable stumble of the Decay are replaced by the autonomous chime of a bell. All that’s left is the pithy Sustain - just a casual, if superficial, chat between two people learning a bit about each other.
What I came to realize during this evening’s exercise is that conversation has an envelope as well. And while I’m actually pretty good at the Sustain, it’s the Attack and the Decay that throw me. Approaching a stranger and creating a rapport out of thin air - that’s the Attack. Deftly and politely ending a conversation is the Decay. Here was an opportunity to have a series of initial conversations using only the part for which I have the most skill. The awkward approach of the Attack and the uncomfortable stumble of the Decay are replaced by the autonomous chime of a bell. All that’s left is the pithy Sustain - just a casual, if superficial, chat between two people learning a bit about each other.
Once I realized that the hard parts of the conversation were out of my hands, I became much more relaxed and confident. I can talk with anyone for five minutes. My five-minute conversations ranged from pleasantly casual to awkwardly flirtatious to a little terrifying (and we won’t talk about those.) There were two I liked well enough to maybe brave further contact. I marked them down on my date card, making general notes to myself to help remember them later.
As it turns out, I suck at making notes. One of these two women I can now remember nothing specific about, other than I liked her. The second, however, I do remember. We were having avery nice chat, and then I mentioned that I worked at the zoo. Her expression shifted towards inscrutable. One of the scenarios I had envisioned was meeting a rabid anti-zoo activist, so a little voice told me this wasn’t going to go well.
Fortunately I couldn’t have been more wrong. She turned out to be a master scuba diver and member of the zoo’s volunteer dive team, who work with our marine life keepers doing underwater tasks like cleaning viewing windows and feeding marine invertebrates. Actually, one of the cooler volunteer jobs at the zoo, but one I’ve never had much direct contact with. That set the conversation off toward a long talk, just when the bell rang to move on.
Most of my “dates” ended before we were ready. I take that as a sign that I’m either good at conversation or talk too much. Either way, there was only once when I found myself anxious for the bell to ring. And I never got the feeling any of the women felt that way with me. I may be a poor judge, but I’ll willingly cling to that delusion.
The event broke up just as the eighties-themed club started to fill up with people who couldn’t have remembered the eighties. I walked home feeling like it had been a successful endeavor, that I may have actually impressed some people. For a change, my inner dialogue was upbeat and positive, even congratulatory. Honestly, it was an odd feeling.
As it turns out, I suck at making notes. One of these two women I can now remember nothing specific about, other than I liked her. The second, however, I do remember. We were having avery nice chat, and then I mentioned that I worked at the zoo. Her expression shifted towards inscrutable. One of the scenarios I had envisioned was meeting a rabid anti-zoo activist, so a little voice told me this wasn’t going to go well.
Fortunately I couldn’t have been more wrong. She turned out to be a master scuba diver and member of the zoo’s volunteer dive team, who work with our marine life keepers doing underwater tasks like cleaning viewing windows and feeding marine invertebrates. Actually, one of the cooler volunteer jobs at the zoo, but one I’ve never had much direct contact with. That set the conversation off toward a long talk, just when the bell rang to move on.
Most of my “dates” ended before we were ready. I take that as a sign that I’m either good at conversation or talk too much. Either way, there was only once when I found myself anxious for the bell to ring. And I never got the feeling any of the women felt that way with me. I may be a poor judge, but I’ll willingly cling to that delusion.
The event broke up just as the eighties-themed club started to fill up with people who couldn’t have remembered the eighties. I walked home feeling like it had been a successful endeavor, that I may have actually impressed some people. For a change, my inner dialogue was upbeat and positive, even congratulatory. Honestly, it was an odd feeling.
When I got home I logged onto the Dateswitch website to log the results of the evening. Navigating to the event’s page I found a listing of all the ladies who had been at the event. I referred to my Date Card and clicked yes on two women. The site takes those results and collates them with the women’s responses. If either of the women I said ‘Yes’ to did the same with me, the site sends each of us contact information. From there it’s up to us.
As it turns out, both women I clicked yes on did the same for me. Within twenty-four hours I had email addresses for two women who had already basically said that they would willingly spend more time with me.
In the past week I’ve traded several emails with the zoo diver. A casual conversation, really, barely beyond the ‘Hope you have a great week’ level, but it’s a start.
Time to learn by doing. Learn the Attack. Don’t worry about the Decay.
Concentrate on having fun.
As it turns out, both women I clicked yes on did the same for me. Within twenty-four hours I had email addresses for two women who had already basically said that they would willingly spend more time with me.
In the past week I’ve traded several emails with the zoo diver. A casual conversation, really, barely beyond the ‘Hope you have a great week’ level, but it’s a start.
Time to learn by doing. Learn the Attack. Don’t worry about the Decay.
Concentrate on having fun.