Stepping outside of your comfort zone can be a very opportunistic endeavor. Grabbing an opportunity when it presents is second nature to some people. To others, just recognizing or acknowledging an opportunity is often a challenge.
In other words, when opportunity knocks some people jump up and answer the door. Others look around and say, “Did you hear something?”
I think we’ve established that I can sometimes be an overly reflective person. Before acting on a situation, I tend to stand back and consider. This can result in meticulous planning and detailed plans for an event or show. It means that I will take advantage of a long rehearsal period to research and explore a character. Over-rehearsing? There’s no such thing. I’m often rehearsing on my bike, on the train, or on the street. At least in my head.
Human interaction doesn’t work that way. Conversation happens in real time, without time for rehearsal, editing or rewriting. Take too much time to think over a response, and the conversation will move on without you. (I know. This is a conversational tic that I have wrestled with for most of my adult life. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten better. My college roommates would often discuss entirely different topics, before I would respond.)
In other words, when opportunity knocks some people jump up and answer the door. Others look around and say, “Did you hear something?”
I think we’ve established that I can sometimes be an overly reflective person. Before acting on a situation, I tend to stand back and consider. This can result in meticulous planning and detailed plans for an event or show. It means that I will take advantage of a long rehearsal period to research and explore a character. Over-rehearsing? There’s no such thing. I’m often rehearsing on my bike, on the train, or on the street. At least in my head.
Human interaction doesn’t work that way. Conversation happens in real time, without time for rehearsal, editing or rewriting. Take too much time to think over a response, and the conversation will move on without you. (I know. This is a conversational tic that I have wrestled with for most of my adult life. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten better. My college roommates would often discuss entirely different topics, before I would respond.)
Oh, how we’ve all wished we could be that quick wit who always came up with the right response with the timing of a master comedian! How much time have we all spent thinking about comebacks we wish had presented themselves hours before, when they would have been useful, even impressive?
As desired as this talent is in normal, day-to-day conversation and as much as you regret each uncomfortable pause and missed punch line with friends and coworkers, there is one conversational venue where it is particularly painful.
As desired as this talent is in normal, day-to-day conversation and as much as you regret each uncomfortable pause and missed punch line with friends and coworkers, there is one conversational venue where it is particularly painful.
Flirting.
Ah, that deliciously awkward verbal tug-of-war when you first try to get someone’s attention; where content is less important than engagement, and while each attentive response is a reward a single distracted glance away can be a death knell. Flirting is a game of engaging in unimportant conversation long enough to nonverbally communicate the actual message, “I find you interesting.”
Ah, that deliciously awkward verbal tug-of-war when you first try to get someone’s attention; where content is less important than engagement, and while each attentive response is a reward a single distracted glance away can be a death knell. Flirting is a game of engaging in unimportant conversation long enough to nonverbally communicate the actual message, “I find you interesting.”
I recently worked an event - the opening of a new luxury apartment complex. It was not a strenuous event management gig, I was simply distributing the lovely parting gifts as the invited guests departed. My partner and I stationed ourselves in the lobby with a shelf full of rolled Pendleton blankets with name tags on them.
Also in the lobby was the concierge’s desk, with a young woman working behind it. With her were her supervisor and their boss. At least that’s how I pictured the relationships, as the young woman was more at ease when the other two weren’t there, and both women deferred to the man as their “boss”, who didn’t usually just hang out in the lobby.
The supervisor was an attractive woman, probably in her forties or so. Over the two hours I was there we struck up a conversation. We were each pulled away several times by our respective light duties, but we always came back together to continue our interaction.
Also in the lobby was the concierge’s desk, with a young woman working behind it. With her were her supervisor and their boss. At least that’s how I pictured the relationships, as the young woman was more at ease when the other two weren’t there, and both women deferred to the man as their “boss”, who didn’t usually just hang out in the lobby.
The supervisor was an attractive woman, probably in her forties or so. Over the two hours I was there we struck up a conversation. We were each pulled away several times by our respective light duties, but we always came back together to continue our interaction.
In the first minutes of talking, she reached over and put her hand on my arm. It got my attention. (Yes ladies, it really is as simple as that.)
She had just gotten a new apartment. It wasn’t one of the high end flats above us. We talked about that.
She made a point of mentioning that it was just her and her son living there.
Her son plays football. She showed me a picture. We talked about that.
My daughter just got married. I showed her a picture. We talked about that.
The event manager had sent down wine, but she was working. She would have to wait and have margaritas at Stanford’s later, and didn’t I think that sounded like a good idea?
Yes, I realize that was my cue.
We discussed Stanford’s for a few minutes before the last rush of guests left. I helped pack up the last of the blankets. The event team came down with boxes from the caterers and the boss came back and huddled with the lobby staff.
She had just gotten a new apartment. It wasn’t one of the high end flats above us. We talked about that.
She made a point of mentioning that it was just her and her son living there.
Her son plays football. She showed me a picture. We talked about that.
My daughter just got married. I showed her a picture. We talked about that.
The event manager had sent down wine, but she was working. She would have to wait and have margaritas at Stanford’s later, and didn’t I think that sounded like a good idea?
Yes, I realize that was my cue.
We discussed Stanford’s for a few minutes before the last rush of guests left. I helped pack up the last of the blankets. The event team came down with boxes from the caterers and the boss came back and huddled with the lobby staff.
Suddenly I was finished for the night. As I looked across the lobby I could tell that my new acquaintance would be busy for a while, and I had no excuse to hang out just to chat her up.
I hadn’t gotten a number. I hadn’t gotten a name. I hadn’t given her one of the brand new business cards from the zoo I had in my wallet.
I had no choice. The opportunity had passed. I left.
Still, in a glass-half-full way, I feel some sense of success in the evening. I had flirted. I may have fallen down on the follow-through, but I had made a connection. I had not only shown interest, but gotten interest from her. I had made it to a point when it would have been logical, acceptable, and maybe even expected that I would invite her out for a drink.
I hadn’t gotten a number. I hadn’t gotten a name. I hadn’t given her one of the brand new business cards from the zoo I had in my wallet.
I had no choice. The opportunity had passed. I left.
Still, in a glass-half-full way, I feel some sense of success in the evening. I had flirted. I may have fallen down on the follow-through, but I had made a connection. I had not only shown interest, but gotten interest from her. I had made it to a point when it would have been logical, acceptable, and maybe even expected that I would invite her out for a drink.
So that’s something.
I see it as an important step in how I see myself. I can do this. I may not have quite gotten there this time, but I will.
I see it as an important step in how I see myself. I can do this. I may not have quite gotten there this time, but I will.